From Helplessness to HOPE!
As we are growing weary of the social distancing requirements at work, in the community, and now in schools, our frustration with the pandemic is mounting. I’ve observed many people becoming angry with the slightest bit of uncomfortable information coming at them. This is potentially dangerous as we move forward in trying to manage the pandemic. We run the risk of hurting our families both physically and mentally. We run the risk of losing our jobs if we can not manage our emotions in the work place. We potentially can be denied access to stores and other public places if we can not contain ourselves. And we risk hurting our children’s chances of a good education if we sabotage attempts being made to educate them under these new and ever-changing requirements.
I believe that one of our problems is that we are angry at the pandemic and we don’t know what to do with that anger. We are scared about what our future holds and quite frankly we do not have as much control over that as we once felt we did a mere 6 months ago. As we move farther away from our sense of security, we seek out people, situations, or systems to direct our anger at. We might argue with our bosses if they don’t seem sympathetic to what is happening in our world right now. We might get into conflicts with family and friends on social media if they disagree with us about how to get through the mass of problems that are piling up for us in our personal lives, in our communities, and in our country. We might rant and rave at the people in our schools that are charged with educating our children in an environment that is unprecedented. We might even become more verbally and physically explosive with the people we love the most and who are potentially the most vulnerable.
It is so important that we take a step back; look at ourselves. What are we feeling? What is truly causing that feeling? Is it anything we can actually control? If it is something we can control, then take a deep breath, think of a realistic and safe plan, and move forward to solve the problem. If it is not something we have control over, then take a deep breath, stop yourself before acting in a way that makes the problem worse than it already is, and make a conscious decision about how you are going to react.
Our reaction is often the only thing we have control over in difficult times like this. So think about what you want your reaction to look like. You are a role model to the children around you. Are you teaching them to stay calm, think positively, and work towards positive changes? Or are you teaching them to let their emotions control them, to be pessimistic and defensive, and to be the cause of further suffering for others? Sometimes it is hard to recognize when we are leaning towards the latter. We might feel like we are right for fighting for what we believe in, but are we doing it in the right way? Are we truly fighting for the right thing? Are we trying to protect others or merely protecting our scared and intimidated inner child?
If you have ever experienced trauma, you are likely on edge. There are so many crazy things going on right now that are taking you back to where you were during that trauma, when you felt helpless and alone. It might be hard, but you have to remember, you are not helpless and you are most definitely not alone. If you have not adequately worked through your past trauma, it might be time to start. If you have worked through it, but these new stressors are making you think it’s time to continue that work, then do that. If you have worked through the past trauma and are feeling calm and ready to help, then sympathize with those around you who are not there yet. Offer them a social distancing “hand” to lead them to the help they need. Those that are acting out the most right now are those that are hurting the most. As hard as it is to not be angry with them and to not judge them, reach out to them and offer them the love and support that they need.
I know it is hard. My husband has to stop me sometimes when I want to start letting people know what I think about things they are saying or doing. I have to delete the negative comments. I have to close out of stressful meetings before the Q&A portion is over. I have to step back and remember, this is a difficult time for all of us. I am hurting. I am not reacting the way I want myself to react. The other person is hurting. They might not even realize they are hurting, but they are doing the best they can with what they know and understand right now. Calling people out in public platforms is in no way going to help. Reach out to people in private. Encourage the tough conversations about feelings and emotions. Sit quietly and listen when they finally are comfortable with opening up. And help them get to whatever place they need to be.
The places people need to be are so different for each person. For some it might be to reach out to friends for support. Some might need to work towards a healthy lifestyle of exercise and healthy eating. Some might need financial assistance or help with balancing very tight budgets. For others it might be connecting with formal resources like mental health treatment, alcohol/drug treatment, or appropriate medical care. There are so many different ways for people to reach the same ends, but the main similarity, is that someone was there who supported them during that change process. Someone walked beside them on that journey. We are all capable of being that person for someone.
So if you are feeling helpless during this pandemic, if you are feeling out of control. Perhaps look outside of yourself and help someone else. That might be the exact cure you need for the hopelessness you have been feeling. Helping someone else can be very therapeutic and uplifting. So look around. Who needs a hand; is it a neighbor, someone in the grocery store, someone at work, or someone in your own family? It doesn’t matter who it is. Just reach out and be present to them. The best gift we can give anyone is the gift of our time. It not only helps them, but it helps us. We start to feel like we have a purpose, a direction, and most of all, HOPE!
Wishing you all hope. And know that I am here if you need a partner on your journey towards healing…